My own peculiar task in my Church and in my world has been that of the solitary explorer who, instead of jumping on all the latest bandwagons at once, is bound to search the existential depths of faith in its silences, its ambiguities, and in those certainties which lie deeper than the bottom of anxiety. In those depths there are no easy answers, no pat solutions to anything. It is a kind of submarine life in which faith sometimes mysteriously takes on the aspect of doubt, when, in fact, one has to doubt and reject conventional and superstitious surrogates that have taken the place of faith — Thomas Merton in Faith and Violence quoted in Seeds edited by Robert Inchausti
No easy answers…no pat solutions to anything. Sounds a bit dismal down there, doesn’t it? Why would anyone want to go there? Yet, I know that all of you reading this right now have descended to those depths, drawn by love and longing to know yourself and to know God. It is a place where we begin to ask, “What is faith? What is doubt?” Sometimes we find an answer. Sometimes we do not. But the act of descending itself has brought us closer to true faith and to the depth of love that is Spirit in us and in the world.
How are you descending into your own depths these days? What are you noticing there? Or, are you avoiding your depths for some reason? What might you be resisting?
3 Comments
By Marcia
I am on retreat as I read this and your words reminded me of an experience last night. My heart was pounding as I prepared to present in small group, probably fearful of the vulnerability, of going deep. At first I tried to take belly breaths to quiet my heart, to make it stop pounding. Then I heard the teachers voice telling another student to not resist the shaking in his legs; to go into it, to explore what’s there. So I turned to my heart and said, “beat as loud as you want it. I’m listening. ” my heart immediately slowed. And I went on to a beautiful inquiry that freed an old hurt. Thanks for the post Tebecca
By Rebecca Johnson
Marcia, What beautiful words to speak to your heart…”beat as loud as you want. I’m listening.” Thanks for the encouragement to listen to ALL of the depths of ourselves.
By Lisa Sadleir-Hart
Marcia…I was smiling at the invitation you gave your beating heart. I think I just might try that next time. Personally, I’ve noticed a scattering on the surface as opposed to a descending into the depths of my being. I’m longing to grind some grain and bake bread; to prepare my seed starter mix and plant seeds for the garden that awaits me this summer. Thanks all for the opportunity to share.
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