Several years ago, I began working with a faith-based group of twelve people with the only purpose and guidance being “listen” for one year. None of us really knew what that meant or how to go about it, but we committed ourselves to the process and to one another. The Six Principles of Transformation emerged out of that listening. When our time together came to a close, we realized that we had become different people than we were before the process. Our practice of listening together had actually brought about a transformation, both individually and collectively. These Principles are all experiential concepts. They are experiences that we noticed were present in ourselves and in the group. We did not plan these experiences, they emerged and showed themselves to us.
These are the Principles:
Practice
A practice is something that we do over and over again with the express purpose of development or improvement. Practices for transformation are numerous and varied, and they will always include the two dynamics: of
(1) Relaxation, and
(2) Listening.
Let me explain just a bit. The word dynamic here means a force or factor that controls or influences a process of growth or change.
The dynamic of relaxation could also be named surrender, letting go, or not doing. The process of transformation requires the release of many of our preconceived notions and opinions, particularly what we think of ourselves.
Listening encompasses any mindful or contemplative practice of presence, awareness or attending. This could be a practice of sitting meditation, a daily walk in nature, or sipping a cup of tea while doing nothing else.
Transformational Coach, Leon Vanderpol, calls these two dynamics,
Letting go and Letting come.
Letting go and letting come allows the immediate flow of…
Grace
I will say much more about Grace in another blog post, but in brief, grace is that which catches us when we are likely to fall. It is what fills us when we are in need. It is what meets us where we are. It is a “flavor” of love. We notice Grace in our peak experiences: the birth of children, moments of great beauty, arriving on a mountaintop after a tough climb.
Grace is also a simple and profound moment to moment gift. Grace is present in the way a birdsong strikes your ear, the beauty of a loved one’s smile, the light in a baby’s eye, the alpen glow over the mountains I can view outside my window. Grace is as common and present as the air we breathe. (Take a moment now to feel the grace in the rising and falling of your breath.) Grace is what will open our eyes and hearts to the “more” that we are longing to be and it will be what supports us in the often arduous journey. When you are literally or figuratively on the floor thinking, “I can’t do this”, grace is what allows you to stand up again. When we know grace, when we sense that somehow, if we fall we will be caught, we can….
Trust
We have all had our hearts hurt in big and small ways, and most of us feel the need to protect ourselves from that hurt. As we come to know Grace we begin to have a sense that there is not near as much danger as we thought. We begin to trust, one small experience of grace at a time. Trust is an action. It is not something we have, it is something we DO. So, trust can and must be practiced. We begin to risk by allowing ourselves to be authentic. To be seen. To believe that we are worthy of love. In the presence of Grace we learn to risk being hurt and come to have a clear sense of when we are “safe enough” to open our hearts to another, to be truly known, to allow….
Vulnerability
We will all have different levels of comfort with vulnerability. Most people I work with consider vulnerability a frightening experience at first. They tend to associate the experience of vulnerability with what Brene Brown calls “excruciating vulnerability”, the experiences that we have had in life where we were “seen” in an uncomfortable or traumatic way that led to deep shame. The vulnerability that I am speaking of here is more closely associated with open-heartedness, authenticity and humility. It is willingly letting go of our defenses. A willingness to say “I’m not sure” or “I don’t know”. In our deepest selves we all really want to be seen for who we actually are but we are terrified that we will be seen as lacking or deficient. So why would anyone choose to be vulnerable? As Brene Brown says, “Vulnerability is the bridge we walk across to….
Connection
Without vulnerability, there is no true connection. Connection is the reason we are here. We cannot exist as human beings without connection. Our deepest longing is to BELONG to something and someone: self, Spirit, nature, other human beings. The work of transformation involves deepening our connection in ways that allow ourselves to be truly seen and known. When we know we belong, our trust deepens, we can let go of ego defenses and allow ourselves to be vulnerable. The truth is, we have never NOT been connected. We are inseparable from one another, the earth, the universe, Spirit. The human condition however, is to think that we are separate and that in some deep sense, we are alone. To awaken our connection with all that is we must go….
Out
We must step out of our old stories of who we think we are or who we think we should be. The principle of Out can be illustrated by the Hero’s Journey as explained by Joseph Campbell. Here is a short video explanation. All people who are developing, growing and transforming will be in an ongoing cycle of the Hero’s Journey. We continually travel farther and deeper into our own inner reality and become aware of how that impacts the ways we are interacting with the world. Unlike the heroes we tend to think of –Luke Skywalker, Harry Potter– as we face our challenges, our own Darth Vaders or Voldemorts, we often learn that battle is not what is required. Rather, it is simply showing up and being in the presence of what we perceive as most dangerous. We return to the first principle once again and Practice.
These are the 6 Principles. If you look at the graphic you will see that the principles are sitting on a yellow circle. That circle is Love. Love is the ground of our being, the ground of ALL being. Nothing that we ever do takes place outside of the presence of love, but we are sadly asleep to its presence. In order for transformation to take place in ourselves, we must know ourselves to be always held in Love.
How did the rose
Ever open its heart
And give to this world
All its beauty?
It felt the encouragement of light
Against its Being.
Otherwise,
We all remain
Too
Frightened.
Hafiz
