The 6 Principles of Transformation emerged in and through a group of individuals committed to listening for one full year to the guidance of Love without making a plan or deciding on action. What that group noticed at the end of that time together was that the simple act of gathering in the ways that we had changed us: we had transformed. These are the principles we discovered were present in our process.

Practice

A practice is something that we do over and over again with the express purpose of development or improvement.

Practices for transformation are numerous and varied, and they will always include the two dynamics of:

(1) Presence, and
(2) Surrender.

The word dynamic here means a force or factor that controls or influences a process of growth or change.

Presence encompasses any mindful or contemplative practice of deep listening, awareness or attending.

The dynamic of Surrender can also be named letting go, relaxation or not doing. The process of transformation requires the release of our preconceived notions and opinions, particularly those that we hold about ourselves.

Transformational Coach, Leon Vanderpol, calls these two dynamics Letting go and Letting come. Letting go and letting come allows the immediate flow of…

Grace

Many of us arrive here with a preconceived notion about what grace is, especially those of us with any kind of religious training, and that word can be fraught with difficulty. We might have been asked to memorize a definition of Grace that doesn’t resonate or feel helpful to us. For us, grace is something that we experience. It is not really definable, but it IS knowable. Here are some of the ways that we have come to know grace.

 

Grace is that which catches us when we fall. It is what fills us when we are most in need. It is what meets us where we are. It is a very particular “flavor” of love. We notice Grace in our peak experiences: the birth of children, moments of great beauty, arriving on a mountaintop after a difficult climb.

Grace is also a simple and profound moment to moment gift. Grace is present in the way a birdsong strikes your ear, the beauty of a loved one’s smile, the light in a baby’s eye, the soft pinks and lavender of alpen glow over the mountains. Grace is as common and present as the air we breathe. Grace can be present right now in the gentle ease of rising and falling of your breath if you take time to notice. 

Grace is what will open our eyes and hearts to the “more” that we are longing to be and it will be what supports us in the often arduous journey. When we are literally or figuratively on the floor thinking, “I can’t do this”, grace is what allows us to get back up again.

When we come to know grace, when we sense that maybe, somehow, if we fall something loving might catch us, we can….

Trust

We have all had our hearts hurt in big and small ways, and because of our past experiences, most of us feel the need to protect ourselves from the possibility of being hurt.

As we come to know Grace we begin to have a sense that maybe there is not nearly as much danger as we thought there was. We begin to notice that when we guard our hearts from hurt, we also guard them from connection. 

If we can begin to risk our hearts, one small experience at a time, our trust muscle grows.  Trust is an action. It is not something we have, it is something we DO. So, trust can and must be practiced. When we have enough trust we can begin to take relational risks by allowing ourselves to be authentic. To be seen. To believe that we are worthy of love and acceptance for who we are.  As trust grows, we learn to risk being hurt and come to have a clear sense of when we are “safe enough” to open our hearts to another, to be truly known, to allow….

Vulnerability

Most people consider vulnerability a frightening and even dangerous experience. They tend to associate it with what Brene Brown calls “excruciating vulnerability”, the experiences that we have had in life where we were “seen” in an uncomfortable or traumatic way that led to deep shame.

The vulnerability that we experience in the Transformational Listening Community is more aligned with open-heartedness, authenticity and humility. It is willingly letting go of our defenses. A willingness to say “I’m not sure” or “I don’t know”. That can be very scary. It takes practice to trust our tender underbellies of inner experience with others. We create a container in which that can happen safely. 

In our deepest selves we all want to be seen and accepted for who we truly are but we have great fear that we will be seen as lacking or deficient. Why would anyone willingly choose to be vulnerable? In our practice together we have actually come to experience that vulnerability is our natural state. Being in and with our vulnerability is a returning to our True Nature. 

Vulnerability is the bridge we walk across to….

Connection

Without vulnerability, there can be no true connection. Connection is the reason we are here. We cannot exist as human beings without connection. Our deepest longing is to BELONG to something and someone: self, Spirit, nature, other human beings.

The work of transformation involves deepening our connection in ways that allow ourselves to be truly seen and known. When we know we belong, our trust deepens, we can let go of ego defenses and allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

The truth is, we have never NOT been connected. We are inseparable from one another, the earth, the universe, Spirit. The human condition however, is to think that we are separate and that in some deep sense, we are alone. To awaken our connection with all that is we must go….

Out

We must step out of our old stories of who we think we are or who we think we should be.

The principle of Out can be illustrated by the Hero’s Journey as explained by Joseph Campbell. Here is a short video explanation. And here is a more in depth one. 

All people who are developing, growing and transforming will be in an ongoing cycle of the Hero’s Journey as we continually travel farther and deeper into our own inner reality and become aware of how that impacts the ways we are interacting with the world.

The principle of Out will always involve some degree of discomfort. If we are perfectly comfortable we haven’t gone “out”. However, in the TLC our practices don’t thrust people into some no man’s land of discomfort, instead, we simply invite practitioners tojust put  a toe over into their own discomfort zone.

Unlike the heroes we tend to think of –Luke Skywalker, Harry Potter– as we face our challenges, our own Darth Vaders or Voldemorts, we often find that battling our demons is not what is called for. Rather, we may simply be invited to show up and be in the presence of what we perceive as most dangerous. We see this is in the stories of the Buddha’s enlightenment and  in Jesus’ temptation by Satan. Remaining present with what is frightening and uncomfortable requires preparation and practice.  This brings us back again to the first principle of   the Practice of Surrendered Presence.

Love

If you look at the graphic above you will see that the principles are sitting on a yellow circle. That circle is Love. Love is the ground of our being, the ground of ALL being. Nothing that we ever do takes place outside of the presence of love, not a breath or a single heartbeat.  Sadly, we are asleep to its presence. In order for transformation to take place in ourselves, we must know ourselves to be always held in Love.

Hafiz says it this way:

How did the rose

Ever open its heart

And give to this world

All its beauty?

It felt the encouragement of light

Against its Being.

Otherwise,

We all remain

Too

Frightened.

Hafiz